For better or for worse, you never forget your first night out.
My first experience came at 17.
As you can probably guess the I.D I used was not my own but a friends. He still had a photo in his passport from when he couldn’t have been older than 9 or 10, so it could easily pass for anyone.
After studying his passport, even working out star signs so nothing could be left to chance I could feel the confidence and exhilaration.
Tonight, I was an 18-year-old Virgo named Jamie.
Do you remember the first time you crossed the threshold into a lively bar?
It was eye opening; it may have even been another world. Drunk and attractive women were dancing in the centre of the room whilst the men stood around the edges in small groups displaying their manliness and somewhat intimidating confidence.
One way you learn is from copying what you see. This night you could see attractive women flirting with the most alpha looking guys. Let’s be honest, at that age it was all about the ladies.
Not having a clue what to do I did my best to copy the more successful guys. Removed my smile, stuck my chin up and puffed my chest out proudly displaying my Ralph Lauren shirt as a badge of honour (I am from Romford, Essex after all.)
It didn’t take long to notice that I appeared to be the skinniest and unfittest looking guy standing there. I felt instantly ashamed of my size and stature and vowed like most people; come summer I will be a force to be reckoned with.
Strong, confident and a complete magnet to all of the attractive women. Not some, but all.
It was early November; the cold was just beginning to settle in and I took to task as Rocky took to training in Russia.
What were the key areas you needed to build to look strong and confident?
Easy. Chest, arms (guns) and back. Bigger, wider and stronger.
Week after week I was in the gym every day. I became obsessed.
Not only would I be bigger but I would also wear the tightest top I could find (the thought of a trip to baby Gap sprang to mind.)
Even better, I would be tanned. It would help me stand out and show more muscle definition like you see in the fitness magazines. Although my range of tanning was limited, Milky Bar Kid pale to off white, it would still help me to stand out from the walls.
You can find yourself becoming paranoid
As the months went by, the clothes went on. Treating your body like a piece of artwork. No one can see it whilst buildings in process. Everyone, including myself at times had to wait for the big unveiling which was fast approaching.
1 week before the big reveal the boys and I had planned to change things up a bit. We weren’t going to Romford this weekend, oh no, we decided to upgrade. To go where the real class of Essex go. Brentwood, Sugar Hut.
This high rolling event not only demanded, but deserved twice a day sessions, morning and evening. When it got to Friday I finished up with a standard chest and biceps day, ready for the weekend.
The day was finally here. Months of training for this moment.
Expecting a new influx of numbers I had even gone as far as deleting a few contacts from my phone, as back then you could only store around 50 numbers at a time, so mum and dad for the greater good, you got to go.
We had arranged to have a pre-drink at the Goose pub by Romford station. Famous mainly for its cheaper drinks and stickier floor.
Romford high street is a long road which passes every bar and pub on route to the Goose. The day was hot and people were out in droves. Basically, as you can imagine its one long, extended cat walk and I couldn’t wait.
Black pointed shoes, dark Calvin Klein jeans and a tight white Ralph shirt with the sleeves rolled up to the elbow. Classic.
The peacocking and walk began
This meant tensing every muscle you can whilst attempting to look and walk as naturally as possible, but in reality, you look as if you’re extremely constipated.
What you imagine in your head and what happens in reality usually turn out to be quite different. In my head I was expecting wolf whistles, lustful eyes and maybe even an “oi oi!” In reality it all played out very differently. A handful of passing glances and a friend asking if I had shit myself due to my funny tensed up walk.
No matter, this was only the pre-drink. I was saving it all for Brentwood.
Now there’s one moment every man will experience
It provides him with an opportunity to display confidence, strength, ability to provide and status, and that is how he stands at the bar to order drinks.
Rustling your way to the front, elbow on the bar, standing to the side to expand out and remain open, one flexed bicep (as hard as possible) whilst holding a £20 note in between your fingers (thank god for contactless now.)
Each visit to the bar was accompanied with sore disappoint. Almost the entire night had gone and not a single woman had approached me in awe or lust.
Just then it happened. A cute brunette wearing a slim blue dress with slight sparkles in it came over and said “hey, how’s your night going?”
Yes! This was the moment I had been waiting for.
I straightened up and said as coolly as possible “good thanks! Just out of curiosity, did you just fart? Because you have blown me away.”
There are many horrific things about using chat up lines, let alone that particular. It wouldn’t have been AS bad if it had been said with the charisma of a fully functioning adult. Instead it came out as weak and unconfident as a 5-year-old boy talking to a girl for the first time.
She gave me an awkward laugh and smile big enough for the both of us and excused herself whilst I wished the ground would swallow me whole. Can you imagine the shame?
At this point, you can only imagine how defeated I was feeling. I decided to throw in the towel and began making my leave. As I was walking closer to the taxi ring there was a loud whistle accompanied by an “oi oi!” My heart and hopes picked up slightly as I spun round to face the burger van where the noise had come from and that’s where I saw her.
She was at least 19 stone in a tight dress leaving no curve or hump unseen. Greasy hair and clearly still sweating like a maniac from the amount of moving she had been doing. She pulled herself away from her burger to bellow the words that will be forever seared into my brain. Sounding like a cross between a deep husky Scottish accent and a demon needing to be exorcised she shouted;
“I CAN BE YOUR DIRTY LITTLE SECRET!”
I closed my eyes and whispered “brilliant” as I slowly began walking away thinking “be careful what you wish for.”
Why am I sharing this story with you? What does it have to do with fitness?
Having so much invested in an outcome can lead to disheartening and frustrating situations when things don’t always go as planned. Unrealistic expectations can lead you to your confidence decreasing as in that situation it was solely based on looks.
Can you think of a time you built something up only to be let down?
Most people do this in fitness. They find themselves focusing on areas which aren’t related to what they want. Over time they find they longer enjoy what they’re doing, it doesn’t meet expectations or they fear it’s impossible for them to achieve.
Confidence is built by taking action and enjoying the process.
Whether you’re in the gym or based in sport. Being able to have a laugh whilst at the same time building strength will enable you to reach your goals faster and without it feeling like work. As you get stronger you will notice you begin to fit your clothes better and feel yourself gain more energy which will naturally boost your charisma so you can start living the life you really want.
Keep an eye out for the next email where you will have some shocking revelations around nutrition.